HOLDER SEEKS REFUGE WITH ROBERTS ON MALTA

Immediately upon his arrival here moments ago, in Vallletta, the capital of this island nation, Chief Justice John Roberts, who is now teaching a two-week course in the middle of the Mediterranean on American constitutional law, was greeted by an unexpected visitor, all as chronicled by a solitary reporter.

“Mr. Attorney General,” Roberts, with his typical well-honed charm, said to President Obama's top lawyer, Eric Holder, “how nice to see you. When we come back in October, just before your boss loses his job, we're going to take up Congress' civil contempt lawsuit, and I will do everything in my power to find you in civil contempt of Congress.”

“But John,” Holder pleaded, “you told everybody that you are retreating to Malta for two weeks, because Malta has a lot of fortresses, and those same Tea Party meanies and their buddies in the NRA are threatening you even more than they are after me. Let me tell you, John, with Boehner, Cantor, and their Tea Party buddies breathing down my neck, I need a safe haven, and I need it now!”

To which Roberts replied, “Pal, you're up the creek. I just rescued your boss for a week or two, thus losing credibility with my core constituency. If you're looking for a safe haven, you might consider Egypt or Syria. After all, Egypt isn't really all that far from here, to say nothing of Libya.”