FREQUENTLY NAKED ACTRESS ASHLEY JUDD TAKES IT ALL OFF TO DEFEAT MITCH McCONNELL

LOUISVILLE, KENTUCKY — Tennessee-based actress Ashley Judd has jumped right back into the race to defeat Senator No.

Just the other day, Mother Jones published a story about how a supposedly top-secret February meeting between Senate Minority Leader Mitch (“Triple Chin”) McConnell and his senior political strategists, including campaign manager Jesse Benton, was secretly recorded on tape, in February.

In the meeting, Benton explained to Kentucky's senior senator that if Judd, a well-known Tennessee humanitarian activist and high-profile Democrat, were to enter the race against the most powerful Republican senator in Washington, they would easily take her out by informing every voter in Kentucky that Judd is still in rehab from her long-acknowledged mental illness. On March 27, Judd announced that she is not going to run for the Democratic nomination to defeat McConnell.

But after listening to the secretly recorded tape, Judd telephoned a solitary reporter to tell him that she is back in the race.

“So what that I appeared nude in several movies?” Judd explained to the solitary reporter. “It says in the Bible that the body is the temple of the soul.”

But Allison Lundergan Grimes, the Commonwealth of Kentucky's Secretary of State, and a Democrat, was not amused. After Judd dropped out of the race, Lundergan Grimes became the odds-on favorite to take on McConnell.

Back to the secret February meeting between McConnell and his top political bullies.

“Hells bells,” McConnell said. “Ashley Judd has a degree from the Harvard Kennedy School of Government. That, plus taking all her clothes off for movies --  if she runs, Ashley Judd will get less than one percent of the vote in November 2014.”

Lundergan Grimes then explained to the solitary reporter that, in the previous week, she had had lunch with her close personal friend, Florida Congresswoman and DNC Chair Debbie Wasserman Schultz, who had “promised me $600 million if I take on McConnell.”

Nonplussed, Judd explained that in her forthcoming primary race against Lundergan Grimes, she will, after she wins the primary, challenge McConnell to take off his clothes when she debates him “So the voters will know that he is ten times uglier in the flesh than when he's wearing that typical boring Republican suit.”

In other news, Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal, a rising Republican star and likely GOP presidential candidate in 2016, announced his opposition to President Obama's nomination of Sri Srinivasan to the United States Court Of Appeals for the District Of Columbia Circuit. If confirmed, Srinivasan, a highly regarded Justice Department senior attorney who has bipartisan support, would become the first Judge of South Asian descent to serve on the nation's most prestigious federal appellate court, and, thus, would, more than likely, be Obama's first choice to replace Clarence Thomas, whom the president will soon nominate to replace Susan Rice as the US Ambassador to the United Nations.

“Nikki Haley and I will do everything in our power,” Jindal said to no one in particular, “to keep any American politicians of South Asian descent, who are Democrats, out of the limelight.”