KIM EXTENDS HIS REACH TO INNER MONGOLIA

HOHOT, INNER MONGOLIA — Kim III, the boy dictator, has done it again.

Not content with having nuked Outer Mongolia (see our post of April 9), and just to show his Chinese so-called buddies that he doesn't give a hoot about them, North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un has told Chinese President Xi Jinpin that if he doesn't deliver the entirety of China's agricultural production to him by tomorrow, he will nuke Inner Mongolia -- an integral part of China (Mongolia, or Outer Mongolia, is an independent nation).

Bagatur, the Chairman of the Inner Mongolia Autonomous Region, asked a solitary reporter to make arrangements for US Defense Secretary Chuck Hagel to visit him here in Inner Mongolia's capital “And set things to right.”

In North Korea's capital, Pyongyang, Kim III proclaimed, “Beijing is next.”

But to appease Kim, President Xi promised to send a daily feast of dim sum and Peking Duck to the already plump Kim Jong Un. “It's a small price to pay,” Xi explained to the Western media.

At the Pentagon, Secretary Hagel's spokesman, Douglas Wilson, said that the Secretary appreciates the invitation to visit Hohot, but declined, saying it's just too hot in Hohot.