CUOMO V. WEINER: THE FIRST SEASON

ALBANY, NEW YORK — Yesterday, New York's governor, Andrew Cuomo, issued a scathing rebuke to former Congressman Anthony Weiner, the same day that Weiner began campaigning for mayor of New York City. The governor said, “Shame on us if Weiner is elected.”

“Although I have enjoyed very much being governor of the Empire State,” Cuomo continued, “I really want to succeed Michael Bloomberg, and most of all, I want to beat Weiner so bad in the primary that he will, as soon as the results are announced, fly to the US Virgin Islands so he can spend the rest of his life down there chasing virgins.”

Weiner's campaign manager, Danny Kedem, was nonplussed. “Congressman Weiner is delighted,” Kedem explained to a solitary reporter. “Andrew Cuomo doesn't have anything resembling Anthony's gorgeous six-pack. Cuomo should apologize to Anthony and go back to Albany, or maybe to Niagara Falls and go down the Falls, but without a barrel.”