LaPIERRE'S NEW PLAN

NEW YORK — New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg, well known for his strong gun-control stance, has refused an ultimatum issued by the NRA's top gunslinger, Wayne LaPierre, that Bloomberg donate all guns confiscated by the City to the NRA.

“We know Bloomberg is confiscating guns, even though he denies it,” LaPierre said, as he toted his Bushmaster XM15-E2S, the same assault weapon used by Adam Lanza in the Sandy Hook massacre. “It's our constitutional right to accumulate as many guns and assault weapons as are manufactured, and then some.”

“We're about to open our own manufacturing plant to make more Bushmasters, to fill the acute shortage of such constitutionally protected self-defense weapons,” LaPierre continued.

LaPierre demanded that Bloomberg ship, to the NRA, all confiscated guns and assault weapons via USPS, “Because all guns and assault weapons are safe,” Lapierre continued. “If Bloomberg refuses to do that, I will go postal.”

From City Hall, Bloomberg issued a statement, ghosted by a solitary reporter, saying that if LaPierre attempts to enter his city, he will dispatch peace officers to arrest him and send him to Syria, “Where he might even be able to do some good.”