RICK PERRY, THE NEWEST MORMON

AUSTIN — Struggling to regain some wannabe cred with his hard-core GOP base, Texas Gov. Rick “Oops” Perry has become a Mormon.

After State Sen. Wendy Davis, in a Herculean effort, in a filibuster lasting 13 hours, successfully blocked passage of “pro-life” legislation which would have sent women back to the Dark Ages, Perry called the legislature back into session, beginning July 1.

But what is known only to a solitary reporter is that, strictly behind the scenes, and with the full consent of his wife, Perry has converted to the Mormon faith.

“Mormon women are more subservient than regular fundamentalist Christian women,” Perry explained to the solitary reporter. “And if I can pack the galleries with Mormon men, who don't respect women any more than I do, maybe I can get that pro-life legislation passed, and curry even more favor with the only Republicans that matter: the ones who vote in the primaries.”

“It actually was Mitt Romney who suggested this strategy,” Perry continued. “Even though Mitt is a hard-core liberal, basically a Democrat, I do appreciate the advice that he done give me.”

In Salt Lake City, Thomas Monson, the LDS Church's Chief Prophet, welcomed the studly Texas governor into the Mormon faith, provided that he pray his pretend idol, Ronald Reagan, into Mormon heaven.