SNOWDEN ARRIVES IN ECUADOR

QUITO, ECUADOR — Moments ago, Ecuador's President, Rafael Correa, announced that an Ecuadorian F-16 swooped into Red Square in Moscow and picked up America's super-leaker, Edward Snowden, and brought him to Ecuador, by way of the Ecuadorian Embassy in London, where his Minister of Defence, Maria Fernanda Espinosa, met WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange and escorted him to the Ecuadorian F-16. The F-16 then arrived here in Quito, where it disgorged its two world-notorious passengers to loud public acclaim, mandated by Vice-President Jorge Glas.

Correa then spoke from the Presidential Palace, high above the Plaza Grande, Quito's historic center. “We are thrilled to welcome our fellow Ecuadorians, Julian and Edward. After they have rested for just a bit, we will train them to be F-16 pilots and send them on their way to the Pentagon.”

The Ecuadorian show of force was micromanaged by Correa to bring Ecuador back in the limelight after Correa proclaimed himself as the first self-designated rescuer of Americans who betray their own government. After Correa offered Snowden asylum in Ecuador, Venezuelan President Nicolas Maduro and Bolivian President Evo Morales also offered Snowden asylum, while Russian President Vladimir Putin dillydallied on Snowden's fate.

These boring developments followed Putin's decision, announced today, to grant Snowden asylum for one year.

Australia's Prime Minister, Kevin Rudd, told a solitary reporter that, though Assange is, in some senses, but not most, an Australian, “Ecuador can have him. We don't want him.”