NRA TO RELOCATE IN COLORADO

COLORADO SPRINGS, COLORADO — Only a day after gun rights activists succeeded in recalling two Democratic State Senators here and in Pueblo, Colorado, the NRA's Wily Wizard, Wayne LaPierre, announced that the NRA is moving its headquarters from Fairfax County, Virginia, to Colorado Springs. With its $350,000 contribution, the NRA was instrumental in the recall effort.

Yesterday, Colorado State Senate President John Morse and State Sen. Angela Giron were defeated in their valiant efforts to survive recall elections. Both had actively supported sensible gun-control regulations passed by the Colorado Legislature in the wake of the Aurora theatre shooting last year.

“We will be sharing space with Focus on the Family at their enormous headquarters here,” LaPierre said. ”Most assault weapons owners are men, and they are all homophobic; and since Focus on the Family is well known as The Defender of Traditional Family Values, it will be a perfect fit.”

“Not only that,” LaPierre continued, “I'm looking forward to smoking just as much weed as I want to, once we move to Colorado.”

Jim Daly, Focus on the Family's president, told a solitary reporter that his $69 million organization welcomes the NRA, but that, in return, he expects that LaPierre “will be donating a lot of sure-fire assault weapons to our members for free.”