WASHINGTON — The GOP has a new ideology.
It's called the Green Eggs and Ham Doctrine.
The doctrine was announced yesterday and today by Sen. Ted Cruz (TP-Texas) during his twenty-one hour temper tantrum on the floor of the United States Senate.
Cruz chose his children's bedtime to announce the new doctrine by reading Green Eggs Ham to all C-Span viewers, so that he could better educate the American people on how to lull themselves to sleep, as well as attempt unsuccessfully to impress his children with how much of a big time macho man from Texas he is.
Cruz, a champion debater, born in Canada, has already visited Iowa, New Hampshire, and South Carolina ahead of announcing his candidacy for what used to be the Republican Party as its presidential nominee in 2016.
After a solitary reporter reminded Cruz that, at the outset of his histrionics yesterday, he had promised to defund Obamacare, the junior senator from Texas promptly joined 99 other senators in allowing debate to proceed, thus guaranteeing that Obamacare will continue if House Speaker John Boehner can corral enough Democrats to offset the always No votes from his very own Tea Party members and thus avoid a paralyzing government shutdown.
Cruz' antics left Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell cowering in the wings, realizing full well that he will be defeated in the GOP Senate primary by Kentucky Tea Party candidate Matt Bevin next year for admonishing Cruz to find other methods of trying to get his way.
Desperate, McConnell begged Cruz to rescue him from political oblivion. At press time, the result was uncertain.
Meanwhile, Harvard Law School Dean Martha Minow announced that the School has revoked Cruz' 1995 magna cum laude degree.
In her statement, released only to the solitary reporter, Dean Minow referred to the senator's debating prowess. “Senator Cruz, as is well known, won the 1992 US National Debating Championship, and thus is a superb oralist.”
“After consultation with my colleagues,” Minow continued, “since his degree is now null and void, we are recommending that Senator Cruz contact Oral Roberts University and ask for its permission to enroll in its law school, where he can learn how to become an even better oralist. He'll find many more friends there than he ever had here in Cambridge.”
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