PAT ROBERTSON: "I can save Bob McDonnell's marriage!"

RICHMOND, VIRGINIA — Testifying for the defense today in the corruption trial of former Virginia Gov Bob McDonnell,The Righteous Reverend Pat Robertson, the Virginia-based founder of the Christian Broadcast Network, said that he is the best qualified pastoral counsellor to save McDonnell’s marriage.

The court reporter at today’s trial was E. Tomasso Corsoni, a former lawyer who, in his nefarious past, has been known to speak both Russian and Korean in the hearing room for comic relief, thus disconcerting numerous court reporters employed by the State of Colorado.

McDonnell’s defense to charges that he traded government favors for loans and goodies from local businessman Johnnie Williams, a manufacturer of stuff to make people feel good is, essentially, that he was too good a governor, and too busy to have a look at the goodies that Williams got from Virginia state government, or at the relationship between the governor’s wife and Williams.

Initially, the defense had listed Pope Francis as a defense witness to testify about the integrityand sacred character of the McDonnells’ marriage, but when Robertson, the son of US Senator Willis Robertson, arrived in the courtroom today, the first thing he said from the stand was that Protestant pastoral theology is better than Catholic pastoral theology “in any way, shape, or form.”

Robertson’s attack on Francis as the AntiChrist drew a sharp rebuke from the judge.

McDonnell is a Roman Catholic, as is his wife, Maureen.

Robertson, a 1988 GOP presidential candidate, has previously claimed that he has the power to turn back hurricanes through prayer. “And having that power,” the founder, and Chancellor of Regent University, continued, “sure as hell I can save their marriage."

Robinson has frequently called for the legalization of marijuana. When Robinson was asked on cross examination whether he was stoked, the court reporter interrupted the proceedings to inform the court and the world at large that marijuana is dangerous and should never have been legalized in Colorado.