Peña Nieto's Odyssey

Peña Nieto had, much to the consternation of all 119,530,750 Mexicans, invited Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump to his official residence, Los Pinos, for a friendly chat. 

Peña Nieto’s approval rating was a shocking 23% before the invitation, but, contrary to the wishes of his people, and, in particular, Mexican Air Force Commander Carlos Antonio Rodriguez Mungula, Peña Nieto did not reverse course and try to prevent Trump’s arrival. Yesterday afternoon, after Trump jetted to Phoenix, his approval rating tanked to 1%, according to associate solitary reporter José Gomez. 

In Phoenix, Trump used a typical “Make America Great Again” rally in a shallow attempt to convince gullible American voters that creating a massive wall between the US and Mexico would make any sense at all in a world where it is generally speaking a good idea to have good relationships with neighbors. Trump also told the revved-up crowd that he and Peña Nieto had not discussed how Trump’s Titanic Wall would be paid for — but then Peña Nieto directly contradicted the mega-billionaire by saying that the cost of the Wall was indeed discussed in their private meeting, and that he had made it very clear to The Donald that Mexico would never pay for the Wall.

As an incensed mob threatened to storm Los Pinos, Peña Nieto told his wife — singer, model, and telenovela actress Angelica Rivera Hurtado — “Es inutil. Conseguir qui los niños! (It’s all over. Get the kids!”)

 

Soon, Rodriguez Mungula shoved Peña Nieto, Rivera Hurtado, and their four children into a Aérospatiale SA 330 Puma helicopter which took the presidential family to Zapopan Air Force Base in Jalisco. From there, Rodriguez Mungula flew them in a Hermes 450, made in Israel, to Galeão Air Force Base, near Rio de Janeiro. There, Peña Nieto told Brazilian President Michel Temer that he had come to Brazil to replace Dilma Rousseff.

Ever so gently, Temer told Peña Nieto, “Well, Mr. President, unfortunately you came one day too late. I am the president now.” 

Crestfallen, Peña Nieto said, “No tengo ningún lugar a donde ir!" (“I have no place to go!)

So Temer, who is fluent in Spanish, said, “Tengo el lugar perfecto para su exilo” ("I have the perfect place for your exile").

Before he knew it, Peña Nieto and family had boarded an Embraer C-95M military transport, piloted by Brigadier General Armando Figueira Trompowsky de Almeida, as it sped to Porto Alegre International Airport here in this island nation of 190,000 primarily Portuguese-speaking souls. Once they settled into comfortable lodging in São Tomé’s priciest venue, the Sweet Guest House, Peña Nieto told São Tomé and Príncipe’s president, Manuel Pinto de Costa, that Trump had totally violated the confidence he had placed in him by inviting him for a cozy little chat in Los Pinos.