The whole world is watching.
Donald Trump, who, aside from attending a military school because he was a misfit as a boy, has no military experience, but he loves to salute generals.
He loves to surround himself with generals. One of them, Michael Flynn, he had to fire because he was caught in a lie with former Indiana right-wing radio host Mike Pence. Another one is his frequently distressed Chief of Staff, John Kelly.
Kelly has frequently confided in associate solitary reporter Johanna Jones, who spends more time with Trump than anybody, including Melania, who is Trophy Wife Number Three.
“Johanna,” Kelly said aboard Air Force One on the way to Trump’s golf date with Abe Shinzo, “I just read what Michael Crowley wrote on Politico, where Crowley says that leaders all over East Asia are worried about what my highly irascible boss, whom nobody can control, might say or do while he is in the area.”
“As Crowley says, Kim Jong-un could easily set off one of his nukes while Mr. Trump is in Asia, just to be a total a__-h___ and see what we would do about it .”
"Prime Minister Abe is worried that Mr. Trump, who, as the whole world knows, has virtually no attention span, will be so obsessed with Kim and his nukes that he’ll ignore the growing threat that Xi Jin-ping poses to the whole East Asian region, especially with his fake islands in the South China Sea.”
“So I’ve made an arrangement with Xi and with my North Korean counterpart, General Hwang Pyong-so, the Vice Marshal of the North Korean People’s Army.”
"Mr. Trump, Kim III, Xi, you, and I will meet atop Mount Paektu on the border between North Korea and Manchuria. The five of us will watch the Frank Sinatra version of The Manchurian Candidate, the best American movie ever made, which starts in Korea during the Korean War."
“Johanna,” Kelly continued, "I know you’re a film buff, but a lot of people are unlucky enough not to know about Apocryphal Press or The Manchurian Candidate, so, just briefly, a unit of American soldiers is tricked into being captured by the Soviets and they are taken by helicopter from Korea to Manchuria, where they are brainwashed.”
“General Kelly,” Jones interrupted, “do you mean, brainwashed just like Mr. Trump?”
“Exactly. Although in Mr. Trump’s case, unlike in the movie, we are still working, fast and furious, to un-brainwash him before it’s too late, which is why, as your close personal friend the solitary reporter said on November 3 (https://www.apocryphalpress.com/2017/11/03/another-totally-boring-day-in-the-white-house/), we left Trump bound and gagged in the Situation Room because he had a total psychotic breakdown, but he insisted on coming on this dumb and dangerous trip."
“My South Korean counterpart, Rear Admiral Song Young-moo, the Minister of National Defense in the administration of President Moon Jae-in, is really p____d at me about this, but Xi, Moon, Young and I, with you as Our Solitary Witness, are gonna watch with fascination as Trump and Kim fight mano a mano and they both fall into the caldera of that volcano.”
“Then I’ll take over because Pence, though he does have government experience, would never be acceptable to Dems like you.”
“And you, Johanna, will be my Press Secretary. Sarah Huckabee Sanders is toast.”
Jones curtsied and contacted her agent, who negotiated a three hundred thousand contract to be Kelly’s mouthpiece.
“Oh,” Kelly said, “One more thing, Johanna. Didn’t you just love it how Mr. Trump made an unexpected stop at Trump International Hotel on Waikiki Beach? Whatever else you can say about him, he sure has chutzpah!"
When Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer heard that Trump had appropriated a Yiddish word, he giggled and his glasses fell off his schnoz.