Thirty-one people in the Carolinas have died as a result of Hurricane Florence.
We here at AP have been covering this tragedy; see the last four paragraphs of our post of September 14, https://www.apocryphalpress.com/2018/09/14/trump-pardons-manafort-then-in-north-carolina-says-hurricane-florence-is-fake-news-created-by-democrats/, so we could let our many readers learn that Donald Trump is convinced that Hurricane Florence never happened, but that it was created as fake news by the Democrats just to make him look bad.
So associate solitary reporter Melissa Smith, who covers Congress for us, accompanied 83-year old Oklahoma’s senior senator, Jim Inhofe, to North Carolina, which is closed for business.
Florence arrived in a very unpretty manner at Wilmington, which received rainfall totals of 26 inches; Wilmington is cut off from the rest of the Tarheel State.
Inhofe represents Oklahoma, to which we refer as the Earthquake State because it loves fracking, which has caused numerous earthquakes.
Oklahoma is part of the Bible Belt. That must be why Sen. Inhofe, quixotically refusing to listen to the overwhelming scientific consensus that humans cause global warming, likes to say that “God’s still up there” and that the concept of climate change is a big big hoax.
As soon as he set foot in mostly flooded Wilmington, Inhofe told ASR Smith, “My God, Meliisa, I sure do wish some of that water could be sent to Oklahoma for badly needed swimming pools!”
North Carolina is also in the Bible Belt.
As he met flood victim Jasper Johnston, who is an evangelical Christian, Inhofe said, “No worries, Jasper, God does everyhing for a reason!”
Back in Washington, Judge Brett Kavanaugh, who is being AnitaHilled, collapsed in distress when associate solitary reporter Johanna Jones told him that Trump, in a vain effort to shore up his standing with women ahead of the midterms, has withdrawn his nomination in favor of Professor Anita Hill, who truthfully testified in 1991 before the Senate Judiciary Committtee that now Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas had explicitly verbally sexual harassed her.
“Brett,” ASR Jones began, “Clarence Thomas’ confirmation hearings in 1991 took place at a time before Harvey Weinstein made many men look really bad. Times have changed, Brett. You’ll be much happier going back to your Republican buddies on the D.C. Circuit.”
Anita Hill is a professor at Brandeis University in Waltham, Massachusetts. Strategically standing in her office when she received Jones’ call was associate solitary reporter Anthony Sullivan, a Phi Betta Kappa graduate of Brandeis. Sullivan holds an endowered professsorship at Brandeis in Photography. When Hill fainted, Sullivan, a true gentleman, helped her to her feet and immediately began vetting her for her confirmation hearing after the midterms.