We here at AP must confess that we don’t understand Donald Trump’s thinking process.
Which leads us, inevitably, to the next question — yup, you guessed it, AP fans — does the man think?
That’s because he seems to be governed by who knows what. Gonads? Instinct? Intuition? Raging Bad Thoughts?
He’s obviously desperate to keep his job, and in the very unlikely event that he were to triumph over Joe Biden in the Electoral College on November 3, there is all that buzz out there that he would refuse to leave his Big House on Pennsylvania Avenue when Biden wins.
Because of the intricacies of the Electoral College process, Trump scheduled his re-coronation in Charlotte, North Carolina’s largest city, because the Tarheel State is clearly in play this year.
But he can’t stand anything or anybody — especially a Virus that he never understood — getting in his way.
And The Virus is clearly Time Magazine’s Thing of the Year, this year.
After authorities in Charlotte and Raleigh — especially Governor Roy Cooper, a Democrat — nixed Trump’s plan for a Trump Rally in a crowded convention hall, because of the virus, Trump upended everything and moved most of his convention to Jacksonville. Why? Because Florida is a swing state and if he loses Florida, he’s out of a job.
So we tasked associate solitary reporter Johanna Jones, who is with Trump 24/7, with asking him how he plans to receive the adulation that he conspicuously craves everywhere he goes, in a time when Zoom Meetings are the only way to get anything done.
Trump’s response to Jones cannot be printed in this family-friendly apocryphal newsletter.
So our Top Sleuth, Chief Investigative Reporter and associate solitary reporter Susanna Sherman, insinuated herself deep into the Pentagon, where she interviewed Defense Secretary Mark Esper, together with our Chief International Correspondent, Larry Theis.
There, they asked Esper how soon Trump plans to launch an all-out war against China, after the Middle Kingdom and the US began their tit-for-tat consulate closings in Houston and Chengdu.
Crisply, Esper said that he only does what Trump tells him to do.
It was a short conversation.