The Q of QAnon Is Not the Q Who Helped Write the New Testament

QAnon is a dark x10 Internet conspiracy platform that apocalyptically proclaims that The Deep State — consisting of Hollywood actors and Democrats — who are plotting to do things to Donald Trump that he would prefer to avoid.

 

QAnon also says that Dems are child murderers. You get the idea. QAnon has hundreds, if not thousands, of followers. More, and more, and more, more than cranky people are joining it every day, and they’re all Trump voters, such as associate solitary reporter Eddie Cook, the Chairman of the Republican Party of Denver. Cook is a megachurch pastor and is rapidly ascending higher and higher into God’s glory.

 

Donald Trump loves conspiracy theories, which is why he openly seeks out and embraces Congressonal candidates who embrace QAnon, such as Marjorie Taylor Greene, the GOP’s candidate for the Deep Red 14th Congressional District of Georgia (how come the Peachtree State has so many Congressional Districts, anyway, when the Centennial State has a mere seven?)

 

The Republicans’ pick for Colorado’s sprawling Third Congressional District is a thirty-something gun nut, Lauren Boebert, who owns The Shooters Grill in Rifle, in Western Colorado. 

 

At her restaurant, she not only defies Democratic Gov. Jared Polis’ Statewide Mandate requiring bars, restaurants, and gyms to keep people from contracting The Virus, but she encourages her waitstaff to carry guns. She has embraced QAnon, but now she’s trying to walk that back. She’ll be roundly defeated on November 3 by Democrat Diane Mitsch Bush. See our report from Friday at https://www.apocryphalpress.com/2020/08/21/when-california-secedes-trump-will-insist-that-the-congressional-districts-of-nunes-and-mccarthy-be-carved-out-like-bibi-s-unlawful-settlements-bannon-in-the-news-again/.

 

The originator of QAnon is unknown, but she or he is not, for sure, a Democrat.

 

So we consulted our Chief Theological Correspondent, associate solitary reporter Jim Bob Hobarto, the Not Yet Extinguished recipient of the Distinguished Service Award of the Unitarian Universalist Association, to explain to Trump & Company, as well as to QAnon, the True Meaning of Q.

 

The man who eschews science more than any other recent dude to sit in the Oval Office doesn’t get Science.

 

Fact is, he don’t get much of anythin'.

 

Trump thinks he understands forest fires. But how could he? He’s from Queens and Manhattan, and he’s morbidly obese, which means he’s probably never been to Manhattan’s magnificent Central Park — ‘cep' when he snuck out of dad’s home in Queens and went into Manhattan, though most likely he didn’t go into Central Park. And for that, Dad-in-Chief Fred Trump sent Donny Boy to New York Military Academy (which is now owned by the Chinese).

 

Instead, he swaggers himself around any number of his exclusive, very expensive private golf clubs. But he’d sure like to put a useless casino in Central Park, which has lots of trees.

 

For reasons we have yet fully to understand, he seems to want to keep the job for which he is chronically and temperamentally unsuited. He’s never grown up, and, as President Obama said on Wednesday, he’s never grown in the job, simply because he can’t.

 

So he’s been yelling at California Governor Gavin Newsom for not “cleaning up the floors” of the Golden State, our largest, ‘cep’ for Sarah Palin’s Alaska.

 

Trump doesn’t understand that famed author Richard Powers has explained, in meticulous detail, in his prizewinning twelfth novel, The Overstory (2018) that trees talk with each other; trees inspire

people — just ask Trump’s close personal friend, Jair Bolsonaro, who is rapidly eliminating Brazil’s Amazon Rain Forest, on which the future of Terra Firm depends.

 

When the New Testament was being written, lotsa things were going on in Palestine that were not pretty.

 

The Romans still had it, and they did not like peaceful insurrectionists like Jesus of Nazareth talking back to the likes of Ponitius Pilate.

 

But the steadfast early Christians, after Jesus’ death, kept meeting, secretly, in their homes.

 

And, slowly by slowly, they began writing the Gospels. But not right away.

 

As Hobarto, the Distinguished Professor of Early Church History at the more or less Chicago-based Meadville-Lombard Theological School (Unitarian Universalist) can explain much more readily than can your solitary reporter, Biblical scholars, years ago, discovered that there was a Gospel, since lost, which eminent scholars such as Hobarto have denominated Q, after the German Quelle (source). 

 

Hobarto was born in 1822 in Enterprise, Alabama, the home of the world famous Boll Weevil Monument, and he has not yet been extinguished. Hobarto is one of the Immortals.

 

Unlike the late, great Albert Schweitzer (1875-1965), one of the pioneers of the study of the historical Jesus, Hobarto is not of German descent. Rather, he was born and raised in Enterprise, Alabama, the home of the world-famous Boll Weevil Monument. His father was Indonesian. Indonesia is the country that Sarah Palin insists is where President Obama was born.

 

Hobarto is not of French descent, unlike the late, great Ernest Renan (1823-1892), the pioneering author of Vie de Jesus (The Life of Jesus), published in 1863.

 

Hobarto’s mother was a Gracious Southern Belle.

 

Hobarto, Schweitzer, and Renan, and those who followed in their footsteps, long ago figured out that Q is the author of the common material found in the Gospels of Matthew and Luke, but not in the Gospel of Mark. Thus, Q was part of the early Church’s oral tradition. 

 

This is the consensus of Biblical scholars — only now exiled Liberty University former president Jerry Falwell Jr. won’t consider any of that, because Fundamentalism is the greatest theological heresy of the Twentieth Century.

 

We must recall that Donald Trump does not read, but he orals a lot, much to the distress and consequent anxiety of all sensible Americans. Trump claims to be a Christian, but he never has acted like one.

 

So, as ASR Hobarto just explained to us, as we sat at his feet, the Q of QAnon is not, in any sense at all, the Q of the Early New Testament.