A grossly overweight man who’s best known for his expertise in cheating on his taxes, and who wants to keep his job — only he won’t — was taken by helicopter to Walter Reed National Military Medical Center yesterday.
That’s because he has COVID-19, which he probably caught from Hope Hicks, a former model who never participated in Donald Trump’s Miss Universe pageants. Hicks is now one of his many anti-Democratic counselors.
Yes, we’re talking about Donald Trump, who completely bungled the Coronavirus Pandemic, who repeatedly disses his health experts, and who is so focused on November 3 that he has, as usual, greatly endangered the security of our nation.
But wait now, AP fans — we have news that we think might interest you.
At Walter Reed, there is a special suite for people who get to sit in the Oval Office in the White House.
But as always, when we need his astute political insight, we asked our DC-based associate solitary reporter, Keith Coleman, to go to Walter Reed and see what’s really happening with Trump’s medical care.
Just like associate solitary reporter Johanna Jones, the 25-year old African American beauty who is with Trump 24/7 — a mole for DNC Chair Tom Perez — Coleman has the ability to go anywhere he wants, undetected.
And that’s how he learned what, if anything, is being done for Trump at Walter Reed.
The first nurse he met was RN Louise Fletcher, who played Nurse Mildred Ratched in One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, starring Jack Nicholson.
Fletcher is a registered nurse with forty years experience in caring for patients with more medical problems than anyone could ever
fathom — only Mildred/Louise is so highly skilled that all the physicans at Walter Reed ask her for advice on an hourly basis.
Fletcher has been caring for Trump since his admission, but, as a medical professional who knows everything that anybody needs to know about what makes patients tick, she’s completely on to his game.
Which means she knows that Trump has classic narcissistic personality disorder, obsessive compulsive personality disorder, and paranoia, as we have mentioned many times in this apocryphal newspaper, which is an organ of the Democratic National Committee.
After enduring Trump’s thundering complaints for her entire twelve hour shift, Fletcher went directly to Colonel Andrew Barr, MD, who oversees the entire operations of Walter Reed.
“Dr. Barr,” Fletcher began, “as soon as I began taking care of Donald, I demanded to know why he wants to take down the Affordable Care Act with nothing to replace it.”
“That’s when he told me that he would send me to one of Dick Cheney’s undisclosed locations in Egypt or Romania.”
“Dr. Barr, the man is not only a criminal, but, as his niece, Mary Trump, knows very well, he has a severe mental illness. The only place where he can be successfully treated is St. Elizabeths, in Southeast Washington, one of the best psychiatric hospitals in the world.”
It didn’t take Dr. Barr long to agree with Fletcher.
So, as Coleman watched, Trump, wearing nothing but his hospital gown, was escorted in the middle of the night by Secret Service agents to the East Campus of St. Elizabeths, where he is confined to the forensic unit, which is dedicated exclusively to criminals who are mentally ill.
There, he is receiving substandard care, because behavioral health hospitals have great difficulty caring for the mentally ill.
But we do know, with absolute certainty, that Trump will be in the forensic unit at St. Elizabeths until February, at least, and he won’t be invited to Joe Biden's inauguration.